Source: Pixabay.com
One of the client’s example: (Basis of Timeline therapy)
Sheena (name changed) came with a lot of anger into the therapy session. Broken relationships, difficult work environment, unfinished hobby projects, dying house-plants- you name it and she was complaining of them.
“ I am a failure, that’s who I am” she kept saying. She was asked again and again about the times when she finished a project or she enjoyed doing something for an extended period of time, and she would come back to the same, “but it all ends in failure”
And it stumped her therapist for a while.
The NLP Process & Exercise:
She was taken through some NLP processes like Timeline Therapy (attributed to Tad James) and some new information was revealed.
As a child, Sheena was very fond of adventure stories.
She read all the classics, where noble warriors would give up everything they had for the cause. And they would either fall as a hero or achieve their goal and rule their kingdom. And of course, live happily ever after. And then came the revolutionaries, the rebels. By her adulthood, she had gained quite a taste for TV series that spoke of belligerence, of disruption, of challenge and passion.
Even the motivational speaker she liked spoke to her of “Following her passion” which she did. In fact, many times. Because she would start and then give up mid way. The books, the movies, the TV shows and the speakers all talked to her of a passion that was undying, an energy that does not subside, an excitement that never ebbs.
However, life is not that. Life is what meaning we attach to it. And to manage energy judiciously, the brain creates moments for us to rest, of dullness, of boredom. Also, events may not follow each other as planned, like Dominoes which fall exactly as we predicted. Events happen quite randomly, and sometimes against our prediction.
It is in these moments that Sheena would give up. Because ”I am either all in, or all out”
“My way or the Highway” she crooned a popular song of the 2000s.
So, when she found anything in the relationship, the workplace, the hobbies, that was different than what she expected, or which required her to ‘not be passionate’ but just persevere through, she quit. And in after-thought, she felt that she could have possibly gone through with it.
NLP Approach:
In the language of CBT, REBT, this Cognitive Distortion is called a Black-and-White Mentality, or All-or-Nothing Thinking. One can experience this happening with children as well as with adults, when negotiations are being done.
How NLP approaches this with Meta Model: An NLPer would identify this language as following patterns:
- Simple Missing: What specifically all? What specifically Nothing?
- Nominalization: How do you do all in? How do you do all out? How do you fail? How do you succeed?
- Complex Equivalence: How does unexpected event mean result will be different?
- Modal Operator of Necessity: What will happen if you do? What will happen if you don’t?
- Modal Operator of Possibility: What stops you? What if you did?
As an NLP coach, you can explore all or any of the above lines of inquiry. The purpose of Meta Model is to help the client recover more information from their own world.
After the NLP Exercise (Timeline therapy) is performed:
After the session, Sheena said ”I have been following principles from my childhood. It worked then. It isn’t working now. I am ready to make the change”
She was able to define clear sets of values for herself, and create checkpoints, so that if she fell into old patterns and decided to rage-quit again, she could change her perspective and continue to follow her vision.
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